My brother was born at a time of my life when I didn't know how to feel about having to share my attention and space at home. So, I found myself creating a distant relationship between him and I from the start. We are 9 years apart. My mom had began working, albeit part time, but still she was not at home as much anymore. My dad was doing his own thing, trying to handle no longer being able to work due to his accident. So, at this time, our household was a little - not necessarily torn - but here and there.
Soon after Norman was born, we moved into Maine Avenue. I was 10 at the time and my parents were on the hunt for a house to buy. So, our move was meant to be temporary. My parents didn't have money for a mortgage, but they were expecting a settlement from my grandmother's medical malpractice suit. So, a lot of their time was spent looking for houses. In the meantime, my brother spent a lot of time with them or with my Aunt who lived upstairs. She had a son a year younger than Norman and one a few years older. That left me either home most days. My cousins had moved into a big house not too far from us, but not real close either. So, my time spent with them was more limited than I had been used to.
At the age of 12, I'd learned what solitude felt like and got quite used to it. My brother and I didn't "play" like normal siblings. I'm still not sure if it was more the age difference or the resentment. I just remember him getting me into trouble a lot. He was bad! He'd get on my nerves and, of course, I'd yell at him and get into trouble. It wasn't until my mom caught him terrorizing me and hiding under the dining room table, waiting for my punishment, that she realized it wasn't me causing the ruckus between us. He got his tail tore up! Served him right!!
Things really took a nose dive for us 2nd quarter of 9th grade. I'd brought home a horrible progress report and my mother was digging in me about it. Well, I didn't like what she had to say. She walked out of the room and I mumbled, "Bitch" under my breath. Lord, why did I do that. Little did I know, Norman was hiding under my bed and crept out of my room to snitch. That was the longest night of my life. Sheila told me to take what I had on my back and hit the streets. She put me out. Off I went. Unfortunately, I had nowhere else to run but my best friend's house (I just happened to be dating her older brother - what is a girl to do?). The next day, my mother met me at the school and we had to get it resolved, but needless to say, this was another scratch in me and my brother's already tattered relationship.
Finally... I shake my head as I recount this memory. I had "fallen in love" with Larry Alston. A DJ I'd met at a graduation party for a family friend. Larry was the love of my 15 year old life. He and I secretly dated for about a year, before my parents became aware of it. Well, things must have gotten way too serious for my parents, so she suggested that the families meet. Here we go. We met, was told to end it... end of story. Heartbroken and feeling like someone gave me a winning lottery ticket and took it away before I could cash it, we agreed and walked outside. He and I talked, cried, kissed and talked some more. Later on that night, my mom confronted me about kissing him on the porch. How in the world could she have known that, I have no idea. Norman strikes again!! That boy was hiding in a tent that was erected on the porch for a camp-out he'd had the night before. That was the last straw.
By that point, it was clear my brother and I was not going to get along and I accepted that fact. We fought, verbally and physically, ALL of the time. My parents always told us, "You better learn to get along, because soon all you'll have is each other." That sounded like noise as a teenager. But, today, it sounded like a prophecy.
November 2010, Norman is my baby boy. It took my parents untimely passing away and getting beyond our grief to finally realize that the love we have for one another is one of the only sure things we have in this world we live in. I regret losing so much time with my brother and wish we grew up loving each other, but I doubt that I'd love him as much as I do now had we not seen the worse side of sibling relationships. We have hurt each other a lot over the years, but at the age of 31 and 22, none of seems to matter. I now have a beautiful nephew and although I don't get to see him as much as I would like, Facebook, smartphones and picture mail have been what keeps us side by side despite the 50 miles between us.
Life teaches us lessons that we don't learn until we realize what hindsight really is. And looking back, I have learned the importance of cherishing those that are beside you for whatever reason God has placed them there. Who knew that the little brother that began as a thorn in my side would now be the big-little brother that would always be by my side. "FOE" (Family Over Everything)
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