The epitome of me... One layer at a time

If you know anything about me, you know Ty is random and erratic. What this blog was meant to stand for... well. Whatever I feel like I guess. I had a conversation with a friend last night and we both discovered that for some reason, pieces of our lives had been forgotten. Large pieces. I don't know about him, but the idea of not remembering my life scares the hell out of me! But, the one thing I do know we have in common is, growing up with a parent that who suffered from substance abuse. Ok, so that leads me to the explation of lost memory recall. It has been explained as a coping mechanism through some type of trauma. Be it your childhood, abuse, PTSD... whatever. I find that to be very interesting because when I try to pinpoint timeframes I do not remember, it seems to be surrounded by some major "negative" event in my life. I put negative in quotes because while it was very uncomfortable going through such events, they served a very profound purpose in my life now.

Whatever was happening in my life around the time that I knew what having an alcoholic dad was, knowing that my mother had a terminal illness, the reality check of the fact that my baby in my arms as a teenager is real, my teen marriage, my emotionally abusive relationship, the death of my parents, the loss of my children and when I hit rock bottom... I couldn't tell you what else was going on around me. I was living, but the instant replay didn't record. So... that has become my mission. Hopefully, not a momentary mission. I have read that expressive writing can be emotionally healing. And during the process, digging deep can reveal alot about the past part of us. I am praying that I can dig far enough, long enough without being to afraid to hit bedrock.